Survival or Sanity
by moonstone88
Summary: When Harry died it broke Ginny apart, and now as her life is beginning to knit its way back together its tossed back into termoil when she begins to see him everywhere. But she's the only one so has she gone insane or is there more to this twist of fate.
1. My Life

Ginny sat with her back to the window, the heat of the rising sun slowly making its way up her bare arms as she wrapped them around herself. Once again she had been barely able to sleep. As always she had started the night off fairly well, but soon enough the all too familiar nightmares had begun to plague her again. She woke up some time after midnight and once again had found it impossible to slip back into peaceful slumber. After a few hours of trying only to find fitful sleep and dark images waiting for her she had given up all together, which seemed to have become her nightly routine.

She sighed deeply to herself as she rose to her feet and decided to begin her morning routine now. Grabbing her wash bag and the clean cloths she had placed at the end of the bed the night before she headed to the bathroom. At least at this ungodly hour she wasn't likely to be disturbed. The last thing she needed right now was one of her brothers to walk in on her.

But then again as she reached the bathroom she realised that was going to become less and less likely soon. Fred and George had been spending more and more time in the flat over their shop, only really coming home because their mother still insisted on feeding them up. It was inevitable that they would move out there, even if it was taking them one piece of clothing at a time to do it. Above all of it though she knew their reluctance wasn't at leaving the Burrow, but at leaving her. Most of the family didn't want to let her out of their sight for very long, and she could understand that even if she hated being watched constantly.

As she closed the door, making sure to lock in securely behind her, she began to think over the past few years. Things really hadn't turned out the way she had hoped. She had always known that Harry and her were meant to be, something inside her had always held on to the idea, even if she had tried to deny it. But that had become even more apparent in the last few days of the war.

Ginny shuck her head suddenly trying her hardest to stop the memories that were beginning to flood in on her. If she let them take control again she would be sucked back into the bleak existence that she hadn't long clawed her way out of.

She knew the gapping whole in her chest where her heart had been would always be there, but she also knew that no matter what she had to go, that Harry would have wanted her to.

"Harry," she sighed as she lent her head against the cool bathroom mirror.

So instead of thinking of the darker moments she tried to pull up happier memories. How he smelt the first time he had wrapped her up in his arms, how he had made her heart skip with just a smile. The way he would always bite his lower lip when he was deep in thought and of course how his lips felt as they pressed against hers. If she thought hard enough about that she could almost feel her own lips tingling as if he had just pulled away from her.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself she opened her eyes again and stared at her own reflection. More and more she wasn't recognising the person that stared back at her every morning. She had long ago lost the baby fat that had given her slightly rounded checks, but now they seemed to become more and more angular everytime she caught her reflection. Her once shinning brown eyes were now sunken into the sockets giving her a slightly haunted look. Worse of all though was her once flaming red hair that Harry had loved so dearly, was now limp and lifeless, falling in untamed waves down her back.

She wished above all else that if she couldn't have Harry back then she could at least have the girl that he loved back, but she knew that was a long process that she was just at the beginning of.

Once again shaking her head she began running the water into the basin, happily watching as her reflection was reduced to nothing but a flesh toned blob as the mirror steamed up. She plunged her hands into the searing water marvelling in the fact that she could feel anything at all, even if that feeling was pain.

But soon enough her blissful oneness was shattered with a knock at the door.

"Ginny are you going to be long I've got to get to work early this morning I have a tonne of paper work to get through."

Ron, the one brother who just didn't seem to get the hint and move out. He'd been out of school now for nearly four years but he still insisted on living at home, even though Ginny knew it grated Hermione like nothing else could.

"Leave me alone Ron I got here first, I'll be done when I'm done," she barked at the closed door picturing the sour look on her older brothers face.

"Other people live here to," he snipped back as she stormed away.

She couldn't help but laugh bitterly at that. He chose to live here, she didn't. After Harry had died things had been so bleak for her that her life had completely fallen apart. She had stopped eating and drinking, really not doing much of anything, and for a while it got so bad that her mother had had her committed for her own welfare they were so worried that she would die from the grief.

But as always they had pulled her kicking and screaming back into the real world, and part of the conditions of her release from hospital was that she had to stay with her family so they could make sure she was taking care of herself.

She hated being babied, she was far from a child now. She had learned that you needed to grow up fast to survive, and sometimes that didn't even help.

"No, I won't slip again. I will not think of that," she told herself sternly as she went about getting ready for the day.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom Ron was stood leaning against his door his arms crossed impatiently and a thoroughly sour look etched across his face.

"You'd think growing up with us would have taught you to share," he snapped as she passed him.

"Don't like it, move out, I know it would make everyone a lot happier," she threw over her shoulder as she headed back to her room.

She slammed the door on any response he could come up with and slumped down on the bed. Picking at a loose thread in her jeans she began to plan out her chores for the day. This was part of her routine now, a way to cope with every day life. She threw herself into anything she could get her hands on that allowed her not to think and didn't look back. She wouldn't be able to cope otherwise.

She settled on doing the washing first, she knew it was one of the jobs her mother hated to do the most since the twins still dropped off their washing once a week. So grabbing the washing basket from besides her door she headed back towards Ron's room.

"Any washing," she called through the door as she tapped lightly.

Hermione soon appeared looking a little worse for wear as she did each morning, with a basket of clothes ready for Ginny to take. Unfortunately Hermione never had mastered controlling her hair completely and now it stuck up in all directions well and truly tussled from sleep.

"I think there's more somewhere but you know how Ron likes to hide his washing. I'll bring it down when I find it."

She closed the door abruptly before Ginny could reply, not from rudeness but from sleepiness. Ginny knew that Hermione still hadn't gotten used to Ron's very loud snoring and the creaks and moans of the house. Plus the occasional screams coming from Ginny's room never helped.

Balancing the two heavy basket she made her way downstairs, almost falling twice, and dumped the washing heavily onto the floor in the kitchen. Her mother was already hard at work cooking food for the family and as always Ginny wondered how her mother always seemed to be so together in the mornings.

"I've got bacon keeping warm in the oven so if you want some grab it now, Fred and George are feeling lazy today so they'll be here for breakfast soon."

Ginny crossed the kitchen counting the plates set out at the table as she went. The places were set for seven so that could only mean that her father was eating with them today. Part of her was happy to see her father since it was so rare lately, but another part was very apprehensive.

In the beginning after Harry's death her father had had really no idea how to handle a daughter that was grieving so deeply for the loss of her love. He had fumbled over what to do around her and things really hadn't changed much. He bounced from treating her like a little girl, to not even making eye contact, and as strange as it seemed she preferred the no eye contact. She'd rather have the no eye contact then be treated like a child again.

As she settled into her seat with a nice pile of steaming bacon Fred and George burst through the door in all their noisy glory. From what she could pick out they were arguing about some new product that they were testing out in their store. They didn't even pause in their argument as they crossed the kitchen and kissed their mother on the cheek before seating themselves expectantly at the table.

Ginny ignored her boisterous brothers and began eating her breakfast, just as Ron emerged still looking disgruntled.

"I don't have time for breakfast now," he sniped shooting a dirty look in Ginny's direction, "but I would love a sandwich for on the go."

Their mother was already holding out at pre-wrapped bacon and lettuce sandwich before he had even asked.

She always seemed to know what was needed before it was even needed. Ginny loved that about her mother, she was in her element with her children around, and all she needed now was plenty of grandchildren. Which she hinted at constantly to any of the boys that would listen.

Soon enough breakfast was in full swing, and over the clatter of plates and cutlery normal conversations could be heard. Even her father seemed to be in a good mood when he finally joined them. Ginny even threw in a few words every now and then whenever she could think of something to add, but soon enough being around so many people began to tire her out. She didn't have the head for crowded rooms anymore and she soon excused herself.

With a quick kiss on her mothers cheek and a promise she would be back soon to do the washing, which Fred and George were delighted about, she made her escape up the stairs into quieter territory. Soon enough the noise from downstairs turned into nothing more than background noise and Ginny could hear herself think again.

She decided to do some work in her room until everyone cleared out later after breakfast and then she would carry on with her chores. But as she pushed the door open to her room everything was washed from her mind but the sight that she was greeted with.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, as if he had always belonged there and had never left, was Harry.


	2. Harry

For a second all Ginny could do was to stand in her doorway her legs frozen in place. Her brain just couldn't process what her eyes were telling her. There he sat, not a mark on him as if nothing had ever happened over a year ago, as if he had never died.

"Hi Ginny," he said simply and she felt a shiver run through her.

Whoever this was sounded, looked and acted like him, but she knew it couldn't be true. She had been there when he had died, watched it with her own eyes, held him for hours afterward praying he would wake.

"Who are you?" she asked her voice cracking as it made it barely past a whisper.

"Come on Ginny you know me," the stranger said as he slowly rose to his feet.

Ginny stepped back fear suddenly stabbing at her. She knew this couldn't be the real Harry, so who would be cruel or evil enough to stand in her room and pretend that he was.

"I don't know who you are, Harry's dead, I watched him die. So who are you?"

His reaction shocked her; he seemed in true pain at her accusations. His jaw tensed the same way she had seen it do a million times and she knew he was fighting back saying something.

"I'm sorry I sprang this on you Ginny, I know it has to be hard, but I really don't have a lot of time," he stepped forward again, this time moving faster than she could back peddle.

Suddenly he was directly in front of her, his face barely a few inches away from hers. She was looking directly into the emerald eyes that she thought she would never see again, and they were sparkling with life not dull and lifeless like the last time. As she breathed she could smell his scent, that familiar smell like the air after a thunderstorm and it began to cloud her mind. She tried to shake away the feelings that being so close to this impostor brought up but she felt her heart tripping like it hadn't done in so long.

For the first time since that terrible day she felt her body awaken, and with it came a great need to touch him. To run her fingers though his thick hair, to feel her body pressed against his and above all to feel his lips once again. She closed her eyes tightly, grasping at the things that she knew were real. She knew Harry was dead and this illusion couldn't change that.

"I'm sorry I upset you, I never wanted to do that," he whispered his lips so close to her ear that she felt his breath disturb the hair on her neck.

She felt his fingertips trail down her cheek and her whole body shuddered in pleasure, "when I can I'll be back, but please believe me when I say I love you."

Her eyes flew open with his last remark but he was already gone. She was starring into her room, completely unchanged as if nothing had happened. The bed seemed untouched still in the same condition as she had left it in that morning, nothing in her room was disturbed, and yet everything was different. Suddenly everything seemed so foreign to her, so alien. The walls seemed to close in on her, pushing at her very sanity.

Before she could even think she felt a wave of dizziness take her and the last thing she felt was the blackness taking her as she slipped into unconsciousness.


	3. memories

A few weeks later Ginny sat in the front room trying to concentrate on the book in her hands, but she had reread the same paragraph five times and with an exasperated sigh she closed the book and placed on the table next to her. She could hear her mother shuffling around upstairs and knew she should offer to help but she couldn't bring herself to get out of the chair.

Once again her mind slipped back to what had happened in her room and she shut her eyes as she felt a slight trembling start in her fingertips. She hadn't told anyone about what had happened that morning, thankfully she had come too before someone came looking for her, and she still wasn't sure what to make of it.

Even when she had been at her worst she had never had a hallucination like it before. Sure she had spent a lot of time in a dream state in which Harry had lived, or wrapped in memories from before, but never anything like that. She knew she should tell someone but she was terrified of being taken away again and she would do anything to stop that from happening.

Part of her just didn't understand it; she had been so good lately making huge strides in her recovery, why was it now that these hallucinations decided to rear their ugly head. Why now when she was just starting to stitch together the shattered threads of her broken life.

With a sigh she opened her eyes and decided what she needed was some fresh air. Grabbing her coat she slipped it on as she headed outside into the crisp autumn air. Her eyes scanned around the garden and she decided to add racking the leaves to her chore list for tomorrow, but she just couldn't bring up the will to do it now.

Hugging her arms across her chest she headed out of the garden and towards the orchard a little way down. She smiled when she reached the trees, still retaining most of their golden leaves, and let the peacefulness of the place settle into her. Lately it had been hard to be around people so she had found it easiest when she was here.

A part of her new she was courting trouble since this place held so many memories of Harry and the time they had spent together after leaving Hogwarts and before the war had started, but she couldn't seem to resist the place.

Easily picking her way along the hidden path she found herself in the middle of the orchard looking up at an ancient apple tree. She remembered her father telling her a story when she was c child about how each and every one of the trees that surrounded this one were its children. She smiled softly at the memory and conjured a blanket to sit down on. She leant her back against the rough bark and let her eyes flit closed. Soon she was dozing lightly the cool air feeling fresh on her skin even as the sun kept most of the chill away.

"Hello Gin," she heard whispered and her eyes flew open to find Harry stood in front of her barely a foot away.

"No," she moaned and rubbed her hands over her face feeling tears begin to well up.

Suddenly she felt strong hands on her face cupping her chin in a way that was achingly familiar. Slowly she opened her eyes feeling the tears fall free across her cheeks, and she locked on his emerald eyes again.

"Why are you here," she whispered unable to hold back the pain she was feeling.

"I need you Gin, more than I can stand otherwise I'd stay away," he replied his face coming closer and closer as he did.

She knew she should fight whatever was going on, at the least she was losing her mind, at the worst someone was taking advantage of her shattered state, but she just couldn't. His fingers against her face felt so familiar, the warmth seeping into her skin was exquisite and it just made her crave more.

When he dipped his head to kiss her she didn't say anything, she just moved her chin to give him better access. When his lips pressed against hers she saw fireworks behind her eyes and a soft whimper escaped her. It was everything she remembered and more.

The taste of him in her mouth was nearly more than she could stand, but instead of pulling away as she should have she deepened the kiss. Her arms worked of their own accord coming up to wrap around his neck and hold him to her. She felt the tickle of his hair on the back of her hand and had a fleeting thought that if felt longer than she remembered, but she couldn't grasp that for long.

He was moving her body so soon enough she was laying down on the blanket with his body laying over hers. She felt the weight of his leg as it slipped over hers, the feel of his chest pressed against hers, and it felt wonderful.

When he finally pulled back she was panting lightly and he smiled down at her.

"I wish I could stay longer Gin, but I have to go in a moment," he whispered as he laid a kiss to her jaw.

She whimpered slightly and her hand reached to clutch at his shirt determined to hold him to her even if he wasn't good for her. He ran his hands lightly over her hair, his eyes taking in her features as he did so and he frowned.

"You don't look well Gin, you need to start taking care of yourself," he murmured and she smiled despite herself.

Maybe he was a figment of her imagination, but if he was maybe it was her minds way of telling her to get well. She almost laughed at the absurdity of a hallucination telling you to be well, but she swallowed it as he leant back down to capture her lips again.

They kissed for a few more minutes, Ginny arms running across his arms and back, trying to rememorize the feel of him. Soon he pulled back and his eyes looked pained.

"I have to go now love, but I will be back sooner this time," he looked to the side as if he was looking at something or someone and sighed turning back to her, "I love you."

With that he disappeared, his body simply no longer there. She shivered as the heat of his was taken away to be replaced by the cool autumn air. She pressed her hand to her leg where his had looped over hers and felt the last of his warmth leave the material of her jeans.

For a while she laid looking up at the leaves, looking at the light as if filtered through their golden canopy. Her mind went numb as she lay there unable to handle what had happened, but soon feeling started too returned and she felt a sob hitch in her throat and she rolled onto her side pulling her knees up against her chest and cried.

Ginny dusted herself off a little while later, taking the time to clean her face and make sure her clothes were perfect, before she headed back to the Burrow. When she returned she found her mother in the garden tending to her herbs and smiled softly.

"Hey mum," she said and smiled brighter when Molly turned and flashed her a smile.

"Hello dear I wondered where you had gotten to," she said as she pushed a stand of hair from her face with the back of her hand and left a smear of dirt in its place.

"Just walking is all," Ginny said happy that she had managed to keep her voice even.

Molly simply nodded and turned back to tending her garden as Ginny slipped in the back door into the kitchen.

The house was quiet at the moment, but she knew that wouldn't last, people would be returning from work soon and Molly would be starting dinner soon enough. She climbed the stairs to her room deciding what she needed right now was a hot bath. Stripping off her clothes in her bedroom she snagged her dressing gown of the back of the door and wrapped herself in it. Stopping in the hallway she grabbed a fluffy towel from the airing cupboard and then slipped into the bathroom.

Locking the door behind her she set the bath running, and turned to look at herself in the mirror. Her pale cheeks were flushed in a way they hadn't been for a long time, and it just seemed to show the sharpness of her cheekbones even more. She sighed as she rubbed her hand over her face.

"Where have you gone Ginny," she whispered as she turned away from the mirror unable to bare the haunted look in her eyes anymore.

When the bath was finished she turned the taps off and shrugged out of the dressing gown. She eased herself into the bath hissing a little at the heat in the water but soon her body became used to it and she sunk down into the water up to her chin, tilting her head back to lean against the dip in the tub.

With a sigh she closed her eyes and felt the knots in her muscles ease some. In the quiet of the room, surrounded by warmth she let memories overtake her, feeling a tear slide down her cheek she pushed past the pain to see the good things buried there.

"_Where are you Gin," Harry called as he came up the stairs, laughing when he found her sat in her room paint smudged on her eyebrow and a paint brush between her teeth._

_When her eyes settled on him she pulled the paintbrush from between her lips and smiled. He crossed the room and pulled her to her feet and captured her mouth in an explosive kiss._

"_Harry!" she laughed when he finally pulled back, "I'm covered in paint you're going to get it everywhere," she laughed as she noticed a smudge of red on his black shirt and her nimble fingers plucked at it._

_With a laugh he captured her hand and pressed it against his chest. She closed her eyes soaking in his warmth and smiled. She was trying to play it cool but her heart was pounding, she hadn't seen him in two days and it had been torture. Now he was here and all she wanted to do was rip his clothes off._

_When she opened her eyes she could see the same need in him. He gripped her hips and pulled her in against his body again, and this time she melted against his wrapping her arms around his neck. He trailed kisses along her jaw and down her neck until he reached the corner of her overalls that she wore when she painted. _

_Pulling back he let her see his mischievous grin, "let's see where else you've managed to get paint splattered," he whispered and she laughed as his fingertips trailed over her bare shoulders and tickled at her collar bone._

_The next thing she knew he had undone one of the clasps and the material flopped down exposing one creamy shoulder completely and Harry gasped as he realised she wasn't wearing a top underneath at all._

"_You are sin Ginny Weasley," he whispered as his lips trailed over her shoulder and lower._

Ginny opened her eyes tears streaming freely but silently down her cheeks. She wanted to scream with frustration she needed him so badly. Whatever was happening was making it easier for her to see passed the painful memories that had haunted her so badly every night, but it was also making the aches in her body worsen. She literally craved Harry's touch like an addict and the fact that it had been over a year since she had felt it properly hadn't stopped that need. Now with the strange visions she was having it was all the worse.

She sat up slightly feeling the beads of water slide along her bare skin as she did but didn't think much about it. Sliding her arms around her stomach she sighed, knowing the gnawing feeling in her stomach wasn't anything to do with being hungry. With an exasperated sigh she slid under the water letting the warmth settle into every inch of her skin.


	4. Introductions

Two days later found Ginny stood in Diagon Alley her arms full of packages as her mother shopped and she somehow became the pack mule. At that moment her mother was haggling with a cloth merchant, and Ginny couldn't help but roll her eyes at that. Molly was holding up a truly atrocious looking pea green material and it seemed she was haggling a price for it. Shivering at the thought of her mother making her a dress from that cloth she shook her head. With a sigh she turned away looking to see if she could find somewhere to sit, when her eyes locked onto a mop of messy black hair.

With a gasp her arms went slack and the parcels tumbled from her grasp forgotten at her feet. She moved before she realised and was trying to follow that hair through the crowd that had sprung up around her. She caught a flash of green eyes and knew it was him, but he was moving away from her. She picked up the pace his name on her lips ready to call out to him but before she could get too far she barrelled head first into someone coming in the opposite direction. She bounced clean of the person and fell to the floor in a heap.

"Crap," she muttered as she rubbed her hip and looked up to see a very male face smiling down at her.

"Are you alright?" he asked laughter dancing in his voice as he held a hand out to help her up.

She hesitated for a moment but slipped her fingers into his hand and he hauled her to her feet.

She stepped back from him and brushed off her jeans, "so what had you in such a rush?" he asked and she looked up to meet his eyes again. Her breath caught as she realised he had green eyes just like Harry's, and then her heart sank he must have been the person she had caught sight of.

"I'm sorry I thought I saw someone," she murmured and jerked a little as he laughed again.

That laugh seemed so familiar and yet completely different. She shook her head trying to chase away the memories that were clouding reality.

Just then her mother burst through the crowd of people all the parcels floating behind her.

"Ginevra Weasley, what do you think you're playing at," she fumed stopping dead in front of her daughter.

Ginny ducked her head knowing she had no way to explain to her mother what had happened, "sorry mum," she simply said.

Molly assessed her daughter for a moment; her angry words had masked her worry. Ginny was so withdrawn most of the time but she hadn't failed to notice how twitchy her daughter had become in the last few weeks. When she had turned to find the parcels strewn across the floor and Ginny gone she had truly panicked.

"Mrs Weasley isn't it," Molly looked up for the first time noting the boy stood in front of her.

For a moment her breath caught as she saw someone who couldn't have been there, but then her vision cleared and it was a young man she had never seen before.

"Err yes it is, and may I ask who you are," she said trying to be polite.

He laughed and Molly watched as Ginny shivered at the sound and sidled closer to her mother.

"Sorry bout that I'm Lucas, I've been transferred to the ministry and I've been working with Hermione. She talks about you guys all the time," he said holding out a hand for Molly to shake.

Molly looked at his hand for a moment and then took it assessing the man that stood in front of her.

He was tall like most of her sons, but he was boarder of shoulder then Ron or Percy. He had long black hair that reached his shoulders, but it looked right on him. Most of all she was caught by his green eyes, they were so like Harry's had been it was startling. But this young man was most definitely not Harry; apart from a few similar features he looked completely different.

"I'm sorry Lucas she hasn't mention you," she said smiling politely again.

He laughed once more and Ginny moved close enough to press her hand against Molly's shoulder.

"I'm sure she didn't, I gave her one hell of a fright one day coming out of the stacks. I've never seen someone turn completely white," he laughed and Molly knew exactly why Hermione had been frightened by him, "she's still a little edgy around me now," he frowned for a moment but then his face cleared and he was smiling once again.

Molly forced a laugh realising quickly that this young man obviously didn't realise what he looked like to her family. She could feel Ginny's unease radiating off her and Molly instantly knew she had to get her daughter away. As she glanced down at her her eyes seemed almost wild.

"Well it was nice meeting you Lucas," she paused realising he hadn't given a last name.

"Oh sorry Lucas White, I transferred from the ministry in America," he said and she smiled placing his accent finally.

"Well Mr White it was nice meeting you but I think I best be getting my daughter home," she said her hand slipping down into Ginny's.

Ginny's fingers slipped into her mothers and tightened so hard Molly wondered if she's have marks left after she finally let go. Lucas bowed slightly and when he looked up again his eyes were sparkling.

"Nice meeting the both of you," he stepped a little closer to Ginny and she straightened as if meeting a challenge, "and I look forwards to seeing you more Ginny," tipping his head again he slipped passed the mother and daughter and was gone.

Ginny released the breath she had been holding and loosened her grip on her mother's hand. She itched to follow Lucas, to know more about this man that looked so much like her Harry, but she really didn't need any more complications in her life right now.

"Come on mum," she mumbled and pulled Molly along.

* * *

Lucas rounded a corner and then stopped leaning back against the wall his heart in his throat. He hadn't realised Molly would be out shopping today. Hermione usually went with her and mentioned something even in passing. He would have avoided Diagon alley if he had. Pressing his hand against his heart he calmed his breathing and felt it finally return to normal. But as he shut his eyes his heart rate picked up again as a pair of hunny eyes flashed in his memory. Ginny Weasley he was starting to think she didn't actually exist, and yet she was everything he thought she would be.

He scrubbed a hand over his face trying to chase thoughts of her away, and yet he could almost feel her creamy skin against his finger tips again. Pressing a palm against his head he realised that thinking so hard had given him a headache. He sighed pushed the thoughts away and decided he best get back to work, submersing himself into research was always the best way to fight off memories that he knew couldn't be his own.

* * *

A/N short chap i know but it was a bit of a bridging one I needed to introduce Lucas but i didnt want it to get to clogged up. Hope you all enjoyed.


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